Relationship Red Flags You Should Know

We've all been there. We meet someone, and we can't help but feel like this could be the one. Immediately we ignore all of those little warning signs screaming at us or bigger things that make us question their character, telling us to back off. And then, inevitably, things go wrong. Here are the top relationship red flags to watch out for. If you see any of these in your relationship, it's time to get out before things get too complicated.

The first stepping stone in any good relationship is to have good morals and values. This is essential as it creates firm and healthy relationships in not just your personal life but also in family and business relationships. If you have different values and morals in relationships, it becomes difficult for any individual to compromise and adapt to create healthy relationships.

Radically improve your relationships by speaking one-on-one with a certified therapist today.

Now that the basics are out, here are the red flags in relationships.

Obvious red flags in relationships & warning signs

Being excessively possessive

In a relationship, your partner should love and care for you without getting too emotionally close by invading your personal space. Overprotectiveness, though, can be a red flag that indicates they don't respect your independence and privacy.

Pressuring you about sex

Love isn't just about sex; a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship is certainly important when it comes to healthy intimate relationships. If your partner pressures you into having sex or doing something sexually that makes you uncomfortable or unsafe, it is a form of physical abuse. In some cases where people have been raped by their partners, the red flags were there before it happened.

Allowing somebody to pressure you into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is never okay. Being coerced into doing things you don't want to do, is a major cause for concern.

Sexual drive is like an ocean. There will be times when your drive is high and others where they are low. Communicating this to your partner and working/exploring your sex drive as a couple will build a healthy relationship. Being forced into sex is unhealthy, and you should not stay in that relationship.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can happen to anyone, including children, teenagers, and adults. Red flags abound when this behavior occurs.

Any treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth, like verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, and isolation, is seen as emotional abuse. Emotional abuse has a way of tricking you into thinking that you are the one who is at fault and even minimizing the effects of an abusive relationship.

People who suffer from emotional abuse may start showing personality changes and become anxious and depressed. Such abused persons usually have very low self-esteem and can easily be sent on a guilt trip by their abusers. The longer the emotional abuse and hurt feelings carry on, the more difficult it becomes to reverse out of such a relationship.

Signs of Emotional Abuse:

• Ignoring or excluding
• Swearing & Yelling
• Insulting
• Intimidation
• Threats
• Isolating
• Humiliating
• Blaming the victim
• Controlling behavior
• Using and abusing

Acting overly jealous or insecure

Jealousy is an emotion that can be healthy if it's the green-eyed monster rearing its head at reasonable times. Acting on jealousy, though, can lead to red flags in relationships.

When you start dating someone new, there is always a sense of excitement and nervousness. But red flags should start in your mind if your new partner becomes overly possessive or gets angry when you talk to anyone else.

A major red flag is checking up on you by phoning you frequently or tracking your phone/GPS without asking for permission first. Setting up GPS on a partner's device is generally a no-go in modern society.

Going through your phone/social media without permission (reading texts, logging into accounts) is the beginning of a toxic relationship.

A well-balanced person will respect his or her feelings and those of the other person in the relationship. Misplaced jealousy might be a sign of codependency issues within a relationship. You should be able to have a social life in and outside of your significant other.

Displaying anger, aggressive or violent behavior

Anger is not welcome in any relationship, whether occasionally or frequently. Even if they try to pass it off as frustration with life, job, or traffic, red flags should be raised.

Everybody experiences frustration sometimes, but aggressiveness, anger, and violence are not the way to deal with it. The best way to deal with frustration when it becomes a regular problem is to see a clinical psychologist or relationship expert.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is a red flag that cannot be ignored or justified for any reason. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, seek the help of a domestic violence lawyer or advocate immediately. These legal professionals can provide practical information and emotional support to help survivors establish safety and autonomy. Domestic violence hotlines are also available nationwide. Abusive behavior such as being physically hurt during an argument, is a major red flag.

An abused partner certainly needs safety and autonomy established. The abused partner needs to develop a safety plan and have an escape route from their abuser in case they become violent or threatening. This safety planning should include developing a 'safe' word with family members in case the situation gets too heated.

Degrading comments a major red flag (public or private)

Making you feel bad about your accomplishments is another sign of a toxic relationship.

Any time someone makes you feel less than what you are worth and hurts your feelings regularly in public or between friends and family members is a sure warning sign of abusive behavior.

To be treated badly by others doesn't make others bad; we all sometimes treat other people poorly (and vice versa), but there's a difference between occasional and consistent mistreatment.

Making derogatory comments about others

People often use derogatory comments to express their negative opinions of others, but this is never constructive.

This shows that the person has a tendency to be rude and hurtful. It doesn't matter what their reason is or what they say; if they can make those kinds of comments without blinking an eye about people who are different from them, this type of behavior will continue as soon as they get into a disagreement with others.

Do not make derogatory comments about others. It is important to have a positive mental attitude, as this will help you to be a better person in general.

This is a warning sign of typical low self-esteem.

Unwilling to compromise

One partner feels entitled to have things his or her own way. Judging, criticizing, and blaming their partner instead of taking responsibility for themselves. Controlling and manipulative behavior and blaming others for their mistakes instead of taking responsibility for themselves.

These red flags could simply signify that someone is selfish or emotionally unavailable. As soon as your partner insists on having things only his/her way all the time and gets angry when you don't do what he/she wants, red flags should go up in your mind.

Controlling behavior

Being overly possessive or obsessive by making decisions for the other person without consulting them first.

Asking overly personal questions early on in a new relationship.

Forcing an individual to behave a certain way against their will, by the threat of punishment, or by letting you feel guilty if you don't consult them first or act accordingly to their instructions is not a sight of a healthy relationship. Withholding affection as a consequence of nonconformity or having expectations that are clearly unreasonable and meant simply as a means of control in your current or past relationships. (e.g., "I expect you to call me at least three times each day.")

Lying about small things

Lying is considered one of the major red flags in any type of relationships, such as friendships, romantic relationships, or maybe business relationships, or any other relationship. Relationship experts classify lies in a relationship as a deal-breaker. Lying is not just a red flag because it shows that you cannot trust your partner and may lead you down a path full of broken promises and dishonesty. Most people justify their lies by saying they were told to do so by someone else; however, some simply tell lies for no good reason whatsoever.

If your partner has to lie about little things, it usually means they are lying about big things too. Lying is the foundation of all bad relationships. You should never choose to be part of such a difficult relationship where you can't be sure whether the other person is telling the truth or not.

Silent treatment

There are better ways to deal with anger than giving someone "the silent treatment." This comes in many forms: not speaking, pretending you don't exist, speaking very little, and expecting someone else to make all the effort to keep your love alive. The list goes on. When one person selects silence over resolving an issue, everyone loses out. Silence shows immaturity and insecurity. There are always better ways to express how you feel.

Special care should be taken, and a licensed marriage counselor can be a good way to improve your communication skills as a couple. if your partner feels you are important but can not communicate, he will at least be willing to see a family therapist or a marriage counselor.

Toxic behavior, a red flag

Toxic behavior is any display of verbally or physically abusive behavior towards another person. It can be directed at the victims, their loved ones, friends, co-workers, and even pets! This toxic trait has been seen in many different types of relationships.

It's essential for us all, as human beings, to not only care about ourselves but also consider taking action- think before you speak or act because what we do will affect other people in some way, shape, or form, whether good or bad.

Lacking empathy or compassion

We all know people who lack empathy and compassion, two red flag behaviors to look at. From an outsider's perspective, these partners come across as cold, hardhearted, and brutal to the outside world - but what's really going on? 

The truth is that these individuals have high degrees of psychopathy in their personalities, making them successful business professionals or public figures because it allows them to sometimes not care about others at all!

They can communicate effectively from an outsider's perspective, which looks like a good sign, but this can be the huge banner telling you to be cautious and steer clear.

Some conditions may play a role in a lack of empathy, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Two psychological terms particularly associated with a lack of empathy are sociopathy and psychopathy.

Withholding love and affection as a form of punishment

This is one of the most common red flags in relationships.

If your partner is displaying this red flag, they are likely to withhold these loving gestures if they feel you have done something wrong or are not proving yourself worthy of their love.

They might also use this red flag as a threat, implying that withholding affection will occur if you do certain things.

This red flag is closely related to emotional blackmail when someone implies that their love or affection can be earned through good behavior or lost due to bad behavior. 

Unearth the force of mending and progression in a secure, caring virtual therapy environment for troublesome relationships.

Short video

Here are some not-so-obvious relationship red flags

1. It's common to hear red flags in relationships becoming apparent regarding money.
2. Slow at introducing you to their life and friends or family.
3. They do not act like they are interested in you but then get angry if you do not show enough interest in them.
4. They diminish your goals, interests, and dreams.
5. It's all about them: They always need to be the center of attention in any situation.
6. Make promises but never fulfill them.
7. Having low self-esteem.
8. Having a double standard.
9. Partners have a history of being unfaithful.
10. They don't want to commit. 
11. Falling into a new romance just after breaking up.
12. Lacks respect for you or others

Do NOT let someone make you feel bad about yourself! You should be with someone who believes in you and wants the best for you, as you would want for them. If they aren't pushing you toward something good in your life, RUN!

You can ask yourself a couple of questions:

Are we equals?

Are we both happy?

Is the red flag something I can live with?

How do my family and friends see this relationship?

When asking yourself questions and answering them honestly, it is good that you will realize what value a specific relationship has in your life and if certain behaviors create any flags in your relationship.

Some more red lights flashing

1. The "we just don't have anything in common anymore" flag.
2. The "I need to be free to do what I want without your judgmental gaze on me all the time" flag.
3. The "I'm never wrong, you are" flag.
4. You feel like you always have to ask for what you want in the relationship and repeat this often with no change.
5. You don't think your partner values your opinion or feelings at all.

It is essential to be aware of red flags as early in a relationship as possible. If you see a yellow flag, take action before it becomes a red flag, and the trust starts deteriorating. When looking for signs of an abusive or unhealthy relationship, ask yourself if your partner ever does any of these things- insults you, controls how much time you spend with other people, belittles what you do or believe in front of others, threaten violence against anyone who disagrees with them (including their own family), has been physically violent towards someone else, harms pets/animals…the list goes on and on.

Remember that every type of relationship should have equal power dynamics and fairness. People will only change if they can acknowledge that they are at fault. If you and your partner are on the same page, you can work through any problems.

Relationship yellow flags

1. The "you're not good enough."
2. You're not happy about your partner's friends.
3. The "my needs always come before yours."
4. The "you deserve better than me speech."
5. Your partner is too busy to spend time with you.
6. You feel like there's no future for this relationship, and it might be time to move on.
7. Telling you they are thinking of breaking up even in a new relationship

Energetical compatability - living in fear

One lesser know the reason for leaving a relationship that is gaining a lot of traction with experts is your energetical compatibility. If you are a high-energy individual, wanting to go out, see new places, explore new locations, and take on new hobbies, and your partner only wants to stay home, does not want to do anything, or living in a "state of fear" one of you will be unhappy.

Healthy relationship

A good relationship provides a secure environment where both individuals can freely express their emotions without fear of being judged or condemned. Communication is the basis of every relationship. Therefore, you are in a good one if you and your partner can communicate openly and want to collaborate.

Conclusion

The reason why relationships are so complex is that it's not just about you. You have to be able to take in the other person’s feelings and needs. But if your partner constantly exhibits these top relationship flags or warning signs, then that might be a sign that they're not suitable for you. If this sounds like something, you want advice on or need help with, reach out to an expert!

They can talk through what’s going on in your life and give some sound guidance based on their experience and trained knowledge. Speaking to other married couples may not give you the right advice for your relationship. It doesn't matter how “obvious" someone may seem regarding their behavior; there are always hidden clues waiting to surface.

FAQ

We're an affiliate for Online Therapy.com.